An Interview with a Virtual Vampire Lover...Clueless

Maybe it's my open door policy.  Maybe it's because I'm a Mom...who knows, all I do know is that there are way too many clueless people in the world  that seem to find me.   Okay, I'll be nice... there are many unique people in the world, and not just in East Texas..wouldn't you say? Call me a cynic...but do you read what I read in this conversation? 
Kafka's Sister (KS):  Your online love is a vampire?  How do you know? Has he sent you pictures of biting someone?

Virtual Vampire Lover (VVL):  No, he hasn't sent a picture, but wants me to send one of my neck to him...I know he is by the songs he blips to me.  They are always about cold, sex and timeless romance.    How could he not be? And he always emails me Mp3s of songs that I loved in Junior High, like John Mayer and Madonna and Brittney Spears...he's so perceptive and romantic! The poetry he writes is about "longing, and lost youth and innocence."

KS:  You mean, he hasn't really told you he was a vampire, you are just guessing?  With songs about cold and sex, he could just be a necrophiliac...oh wait, I read somewhere that that's what people who love vampires are...I don't agree of course, but scientifically, its true.

VVL:  A necro what????  No no no...once on Twitter he said he really likes the Twilight movies.  What guy says that? Guys never admit to liking Vampires, except True Blood, and guys only like that because of all the sex. Besides, a woman knows, you know?  He's the perfect guy for me.  He doesn't mind that I have a fiancee' that doesn't understand me.  He doesn't mind that I have two kids, in fact when I told him that I had a 9 yr old daughter and a 4 yr old son, he wanted to know all about them...pictures and everything! It doesn't bother him that they have different Dads that I no longer talk to  and he doesn't mind that my unemployment checks run out next month.  He thinks I get taken advantage of and wants to protect me and the kids. He says he wants to "taste the nectar of my youth."  Isn't that romantic?

KS: (with eyebrows involuntarily raised)  We all have different ideas about romance I think... I know lots of guys who like the Blade movies...Hmm...Maybe he's not a guy...maybe he's a girl that just likes sex and songs, and understands where you're coming from because she's in the same "who am I?" boat.  Have you thought about that?

VVL: Oh I think I would know if he was a she...

KS:  How would you know?  People fool other people online all the time...don't you watch 48 Hours? People get big kicks out of leading other people to believe they are something they are not.
 
VVL:  Okay, Okay, I know because he wants to have cyber sex..okay?  He's definitely a guy...girls don't ask to do that...And he wants to know everything about me...like what my biggest fears are, what my favorite games are, what I look like and wants to know what I taste like.  He also asked me to role play...he wants me to be the little girl in "Interview with the Vampire"...the one who grew up to be Spiderman's girlfriend...what's her name?

KS:  The actress's name is Kirsten Dunst...and you're right...he's a vampire, but not the kind you think he is....

VVL smiles with an "I told you so" smile and runs to check if her pedophile vampire is online.

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